WHY YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE KIDS!

Lovely
Lovely

I wonder why people rush having kids as soon as they get married, like they are trying to win some race against their biological clock?

—Oh No! Please don’t tell me your new wife was 39 at your wedding…  No right? —

I mean some people churn out 3-4 babies in a space of five years (like one man in my village who has 13 now) and I wonder why you gotta take all that risk.

Now what do I think?

I THINK the arrival of the first child changes a lot of things in marriage and if you are newly-wed, you might just need one or two years (yeah, because you need space to stroll naked round your homes sometimes) to adjust to your new home before you can withdraw the use of contraceptives or remove your abortion (sharap!!!) “Belt” and release the baby[s].

— Or you have been living together before now, haven’t you? —

YOU should never ever release a “helpless” child from your “portal” into this cruel world except you have the means to give it the best of what is comfortable to survive. Not just the basic needs, but a little luxury and whatever foundation that is necessary to survive in this evilly competitive world. That also extends to the fact that you should never have more children than your means to take care of them.

Thus, if your having a second child will mean that you have to withdraw your first child from some really nice school in Lekki, to a shitty one at Ajegunle or reduce his/her quality of upbringing to accommodate the 2nd and 3rd and…13th, then you really need to chill before fertilizing that egg.It’s pretty expensive to raise a child!

— Oh your wife is now 42? Oh, sheht! You need to rewind that clock —

NOW READ MY LIPS AGAIN,“I’d rather not have any kids than lose my wife to childbirth.”Statistics in this part of the world has maternal mortality rate at a high. Women die due to complications arising from pregnancy and it’s worse when you rush the whole process as if her biological clock is about to embrace the finish line before you cum…(lol). Really, it’s better to be childless or to be fair have a single child than lose your precious wife while trying to get the second one. In other words, medically weigh you uterus on a scale and know how much weight it can carry.

HAVING MORE children than you can adequately account for increases the risk of having what the Igbos call “nwa mmefu” or “omo ale jatijati” in Yoruba and for the Hausa version, I can’t spell that mehhhn!!!

Such a child could kill you before your time, so you need to think now before you blame some silly child for wasting your old age, while in fact you failed to make the right decisions earlier and that guilt of having failed as a parent will always be there no matter how good you were in it.

— And I also agree that there are some children (unlike you) that were sent to destroy their parents no matter what—

HAVING CHILDRENtakes much more than a happy sperm tracking down a joyously shy ovum. It involves a lot of patience and dedication. It requires pure love for a helpless little thing. Whenever I look at a baby, I see perfection, something good always wail up inside of me; a strong desire to have one that I am gonna be everything to.

— I know I am a good father (hey Thomas, you can now refer to my Facebook profile picture to clear your doubt) —

Not everyone has the capacity to be a good parent and everybody needs to look inward and determine that with sincerity.May be by then some of us will embrace the fact that it is another of society’s BS that we must marry to procreate. But the truth is that not everyone is meant to and that will not make you weird or a bad person, rather the universe will be happy with you for having the courage to do the right thing.

 THERE ARE more of what I think about this… but I am being distracted by the thought if this little sweet girl that slept safely, wrapped around me last week. Really, it’s difficult to shake such joy.

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