You have this dream, and in your dream your life is fast-forwarded 15-20 years from now and this is you – a wife, 2 kids, financially doing okay. YEAH, it is even obvious to everyone that you have the perfect life.

But to you, you’re so bored. So bored cuz you know something is missing.

You think about how pissed you are now about your perfect life, then you think back in time and you remember when you met the woman you are now married to.

 Maybe you met her at a club or in a restaurant or even at a mall but now u can’t remember.  But you can remember that it was her figure and pretty face that drew her to you and it is vivid how you “swagged” up your lives clubbing, going for shows and beach parties, how you two patronized every eatery in town, how u drank down your sorrows and how much she blew your brains out with her crazy “bedmatics”.

 –But of course you are bored with that too–

 You remember when you realized it was time for u to be a man and settle down, and you settle down with your well-endowed beautiful girlfriend (of course u remember you didn’t have any other options.)

 You remember the first few awesome years of your married life, but then it didn’t bother you that u couldn’t have any meaningful intelligent conversation with this pretty woman that won’t divert into some ‘swag’ talk. Like you want to discuss something as meaningful as what to invest in (what do you even expect her to know about investment anyway?) and all you hear is “honey, do u know that I have lost 5 pounds this week?” or she’d tell u how great she is doing in her yoga class, which is great for your sex lives and of course she got some new tactics to show u – Life’s good!

 You remember how she put more effort into the physical appearance of your two little girls decorating them with beads and lipsticks and latest fads instead of helping them discover where their true beauty lies but it didn’t occur to you then that she might just be training up beautiful club girls who may not appreciate the ugliness in “beauty without brains.”

 You remember when you told her that the Boko Haram group are killing a lot of innocent people for no apparent reason and asked her what she thought about it and then to your utter disbelief she says “may God never allow them to leave Iraq and come to Nigeria” Then you told her that President Goodluck Jonathan wanted to remove the fuel subsidy on petroleum products in Nigeria and was shocked when she asked you whether Subsidy is the Petroleum minister and what did he do this time? Then she will remind you that you’re wasting time on things that doesn’t make sense instead of having fun, that u two need to go clubbing, that you need to swag up your lives like old times after all “You Only Live Once.”

                                                 —Yeah Right! Y.O.L.O!!!–

 Now you’re 45 and the sex is no more as impressive as before, now you crave something more, you crave for someone to share a higher level of experience with. You long to wake up to someone and have some intelligent discussion cum academic argument without having to hear “baby we have lost our swag” or some other ridiculous stuff. You now understand the meaning of someone being interesting and smart and right now u can do anything for your woman to be just that. You wish you can replace “Swag” with “Smart.”

 You realize you need someone that the content of her thoughts arouses your mind, someone you can make love to her mind and not just her body.

Beauty fades, that perfect shape will sag, and your happiness will largely depend on how smart and interesting your partner is. And it’s everyone’s responsibility now to make sure he or she is interesting whether you’re single or in a relationship.

Doe Zantamata said “You can’t expect to have a deep relationship with a shallow person.


¤ Spy-catcher.™


Mary Turner

They came to Africa and took us away, saying we are inferior beings.

How could they even say we are barbaric and have beastly traditions that are evident of how much of an animal we are?

Who are the animals here? who chained their fellow men and forced them to live like dogs? Image


I read the story of Mary Turner, its worse than the ALUU 4 we have been yelling about. It exposes who the real animals are. it should be d most brutal lynch act ever done in history. How brutal can it get wen u tie a pregnant woman upside down on a tree and then set her on fire, u use a knife to rip her stomach open, while she is alive and burning, the unborn 8 month child falls off with a cry and u bruise it with ur heels and still spray d young girl with bullets to seal of ur barbarism with style and everybody claps hailing d triumph of white supremacy over d alleged inferiority of d black skin. The media gives it thumbs up invalidating why a young black woman should question the lynching of her young husband… invalidating why a woman should cry out over the unjust killing of her husband. What is more evil?

>>>>Racism? Nothing is more stupid.<<<<<


1. Remember it’s not the end of the world (End of the world will come in a more horrible form)

2. Treat yourself but make sure its indoors, this is to avoid seeing people pairing themselves and the misty eyes dat might follow.

3. Don’t get in touch with your ex (but if u don’t have, like me.. just don’t call any of your friends that are hooked up. in fact avoid phone calls)

4. Tell yourself that being in a relationship is evil…(especially if u have been hurt before)

5. Stop torturing yourself, its not your fault (u didn’t create yourself)

6. Spend time with others, this includes and is limited to old people, your pet (teddy bear inclusive) or just anybody that is single like u and prolly think Val day should be scrapped.

7. Go to church or mosque or wherever u hold sacred and pray. Thank God for the joys of singlehood and the simplicity and freedom it brings. (He knows best)

But should none of this work? then just cry.

Yes, cry!!


Happy New Year!!!

Do the people who profess love strictly because
its Christmas or new year, know that eventually it wont be?
The reason why i never change who i am or proclaim undying love on Christmas or new year is because i know that sooner or later,
it will be the day after Christmas, it will be the day after d start of a new year and i know i will like to go back to my normal life of not changing who i am completely
and not loving anything that isn’t my laptop.

No Resolutions whatsoever, But I thank God for a new day to live.



Last week Thursday, the deputy leader of the dreaded Boko Haram sect, Abu Mohammed Ibn Abdulazeez Imageproposed a dialogue with the government should the government show a desire and sincerity in negotiating an end to the turmoil that has been happening in the Northern region especially the Northeast part of the country.

The sect in its statement further stated their terms of negotiation with the government thus giving the government no say on the nature of the proposed dialogue. They didn’t stop there; they also made a list of those to represent both parties in the dialogue. The fact that they listed the name of Gen. Mohammadu Buhari as a member of their negotiation team is suspicious as the retired General had been threatening violence since after the last presidential elections and criticisms and speculations have always linked him with the activities of the sect as their sponsor.

To me, this is a curious gesture on the part of the sect and its leadership as I have never come across any form of negotiation where a party has to solely dictate the structure and even going further to arbitrarily list the names of the teams for negotiation for both parties. More so not taking into consideration the secular nature of the country as both teams for negotiation are Muslims and the venue Saudi Arabia is a Muslim nation. They didn’t even give any reasons for the choice of venue.

Majority, if not all the states in the western world have a tough stance on not negotiating with terrorists. This I think is as a result of a strong political will and sincere desire to protect the lives and properties of its citizens coupled with the availability of the requisite military and tactical resources to tackle such insurgency.

Back home, history has shown us that right from the inception of the violence that has engulfed this region; our government is neither sincere nor ready to put a strong fight to the whole menace. In fact several statements by our dear president admonishing us to pray to our God as it is only God that can save our country further underlines how clueless our government is as to how to go about the protection of its citizens.

In the North, where I was opportune to be for some time, the soldiers sent to help curb the violence and protect citizens are now a terror themselves. Their actions have resulted in a drastic rise of extra judicial killings in the region particularly Borno state where they have a shoot at sight policy which makes it difficult to determine who is the actual ‘enemy’. An example is the recent follow up attack by the Joint Task Force in Maidugiri the state capital on Saturday following the murder of a retired army general Mohammadu Shuwa where forty people mostly teenagers were rounded up and shot dead.

I in fact, had an experience whilst in Gombe state where because of an innocent joke two friends shared through a text message threatening each other with the word Boko Haram if the other does not bring him his Sallah ram. The military in their usual style of aggressiveness came breaking into our office building early in the morning beating everyone they saw around there and asking us to lie faced down while they conducted their search for non-existent hidden bombs. In the end, nothing was found after they had dragged some people to their barracks for more beating and torture.

On the government, Boko Haram and peace talks, sources in the government has said that the proposed dialogue is a very welcomed development and embraces it, after all even in war, you find time to come back to the table to negotiate peace.” See the Nation Newspapers of 4th Nov. 2012.

On the issue of Boko Haram solely choosing the team for negotiations, the source said that “the government believes that Boko Haram has its reasons for choosing these eminent Nigerians.” Further onthe choice of venue, the source said “we have accepted the choice of Saudi Arabia as convenient for the sect. In dialogue, you choose the most secured and safe place. We have good ties with Saudi Arabia too.” See the Nation Newspapers (supra).

The government’s readiness to enter into negotiations with the sect further underscores the fact that it is weak and do not foresee an end to the violence in this region except of course if God supernaturally intervenes. So it leads one to conclude that they have been secretly waiting and wishing for an opportunity to ‘beg’ these group to cease fire. No wonder they once offered to grant them amnesty should they agree to give up arms. Grant amnesty to a terrorist with no plausible agenda? Such a joke!

In the words of Prof. Itse Sagay (SAN) “why would the Federal Government negotiate with terrorists? Are we now saying that a group that has killed so many innocent people should not be held accountable? What will happen to the relations and friends of all those they have killed should the government negotiate with them and give them some sort of power? Are we saying they should be allowed to go scot free?” See Thisday Newspaper of 5th Nov. 2012.

The question is what should one expect from these negotiations on the part of government since they are already aligning themselves with the sect’s position on things? What are the assurances that they will not easily give into their unreasonable demands and make promises which will be difficult to fulfill in their ‘desperate’ search for an end to the violence?

In the end, we can only wait and see.

✩ Spy-catcher.™

UNN, 2010 LAW CLASS Graduation

We picked up our whites & all dat legal stuff dat’s supposed

to help us remember the good old days.

But some of the things dat u remember most can’t be put on paper.

Dat D-day finally came & u sat there with all the friends dat

u’ve made over the past five yrs in the same hall.

U remembered ur family & how proud they’ll be

knowing u’ve achieved your dream.

U knew that this was once in a lifetime moment,

It was the last time in ur life that all these people would be

together in one place.

Yeah, there’ll be reunion, but there was always a chance

dat one person wouldn’t make it there.

U looked back on ur time with these people & realized it was all

short-lived & that it didn’t seem as if there was enough time for everything

that u wanted to accomplish–sports, activities (class party, class album, picnic, mooting…lol)

and all dat good stuff.

And then it was time for project defense & then Law school calls.

And then u said goodbye…maybe to ur village first

& then school & then ur friends.

U know u can go back and visit, but in a few yrs time, u

know there’ll be strangers everywhere, sitting on the sits u once sat on

& ‘crawling’a ll over the classes u once ‘crawled’

It’s different…but it’s not the end.

In fact, everything is just beginning…

Humanity isn’t just a word!

Since I saw the barbaric PH video of the gruesome lynching of those alleged thieves, I’ve not being able to think straight. It beats my mind how humans can be so inhuman.

In my opinion & in the opinion of any human being who possesses the barest minimum of morality in him, nothing can & should warrant such brutish act.
My sympathy even goes to the unholy spectators who watched & cheered with glee

. It only reminds me of the ancient Romans and the bloody gladiator fights.

And to think that such is happening in a part of the country where everyone loathes the Northerners (though they are misguided in the use of this generic term) & the monstrous acts carried out in the region calling ‘them’ all sorts of gross names and now I wonder if this case is any different from the happenings in this region.

In the end, there are neither good Christians nor bad Christians; good Muslims nor bad Muslims; not even with regard to tribe or ethnicity or of race. 
We only have good people or bad people and these murderers are BAD people even worse than the thieves themselves.

✩ Spy-catcher.™Hum